Dave Lindorff: Deadeye Dick

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If Stupidity Was Impeachable, Cheney Would Be History

Deadeye Dick: Is Abramoff Next?

By DAVE LINDORFF

Deadeye Dick, vice president and regent of this great nation, set out to shoot himself a quail in Texas this weekend, instead bagged a campaign contributor.

Reports say while trying for a quail covey he swung around and unloaded his shotgun at his host, attorney Harry Whittington, sending the unfortunate and no doubt surprised man to the hospital, his face and chest full of shot.

It was vintage Cheney when you think of it.

With the country loaded and on the hunt for Osama Bin Laden in Afghanistan, Cheney and his neo-con gang swung the army around and fired at Saddam Hussein and Iraq, leaving that country staggering and massively wounded. Like the quail he took his eye off of, Osama and his gang are free as ... well, birds, plotting more mayhem.

Meanwhile, Deadeye Dick, having created a bloody mess in Iraq, has already gotten his ward President Bush to swing around towards Syria and Iran. He and Bush have already decided they've spent enough on "ebuilding" Iraq, so now they're about to blast Iran and/or Syria.

If Iraq is any indication of this man's sense of responsibility and willingness to pay for his mistakes , Whittington better have some good insurance--either that or a good lawyer. Cheney's liable to just split and leave Whittington with the bill.

I guess, given the Vice President's demonstrated skill with a gun, we should probably be glad he ducked the draft and missed Vietnam. He probably would have ended up being one of those dumb bozos who were responsible for all those "friendly fire" casualties over there.

Which raises the question: Was the VEEP, like so many tough-guy hunters, juiced for this hunt? That would add the element of negligence to his basic stupidity.

There are some suspicious matters concerning this incident:

* First off, Cheney waited 24 hours to report the shooting. Very odd. His office claimed it was "out of respect" for the owner of the property, Katherine Armstrong, who claims she forgot for a day because of concerns for Whittington. Could the delay have had more to do with clearing Cheney's blood of alcohol, and getting everyone's stories lined up?

* Second, the story that Whittington exited the vehicle the tough-guy hunters were riding in to look for a quail he'd just shot, and that Cheney then got out to check out a second covey of quail sounds queer. When someone fires a shotgun, typically all quail in the area take flight. It seems unlikely Cheney could have found another covey right nearby.

Dave Lindorff is the author of Killing Time: an Investigation into the Death Row Case of Mumia Abu-Jamal. His new book of CounterPunch columns titled "This Can't be Happening!" is published by Common Courage Press. Information about both books and other work by Lindorff can be found at www.thiscantbehappening.net.

If Stupidity Was Impeachable, Cheney Would Be History