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Now!
Those of us who don't get Showtime can
now check out the first season of "Weeds" on DVD. The
plot revolves around a young widow, Nancy Botwin (Mary-Louise
Parker), who deals marijuana to maintain her bourgeois lifestyle
in an LA suburb called Agrestic. Nancy, who doesn't smoke the
commodity she sells, drives a leased Range Rover, employs a Hispanic
maid, and pays the mortgage on a big house. She has two sons,
Silas, 16, whose interest is girls, and Josh, 10, who acts out
in troubling ways (shooting animals, biting another kid) and
is a candidate for anti-depressants. Nancy, supposedly a good
mom, pushes sports on Josh. She conceals her pot dealing from
the kids, i.e., is living a lie.
Nancy's friend from the PTA, a striver named Celia Hodes (played
by a very droll actress, Elizabeth Perkins), doesn't smoke pot,
either. In the early episodes she is pressuring her 10-year-old
daughter to lose weight (baby fat, obviously). When Celia finds
the kid's hidden bag of chocolates, she spikes it with laxatives,
leading to the girl's extreme humiliation in school. It's unpleasant
to watch. There's another off-putting scene in which Andy Botwin
-the younger brother of Nancy's late husband, who arrives unexpectedly
for an indefinite stay- engages in cybersex with Silas's girlfriend.
Andy is discovered masturbating by the maid, Lupita (who, in
the real world, would have made an about face); convinces Silas
that his behavior was acceptable; and is allowed to continue
living in the house by Nancy lest he reveal her source of income
to the children. Andy, a pothead, is supposedly a silver-tongued
devil, but he's just a bullshipper, a relentless come-on, and
a sleaze.
Kevin Nealon plays a more likable pothead, Doug Wilson, Nancy's
accountant. Doug advises Nancy to set up a legitimate small business
as a front, and she opens a bakery. We don't see or even hear
of her arranging financing, finding the location, buying fixtures,
dealing with contractors or vendors or any of that mundane stuff.
Although Nancy has no experience or affinity for baking, and
is supposedly broke (her home phone gets cut off at one point),
her place of business somehow materializes.
One evening Doug comes over to Nancy's house, she's not there,
and he and Andy go into her personal stash, only to discover
that a rat has found it, too. They get loaded and hunt for the
rat, which they intend to shoot with a pellet gun. They use peanut
butter as bait and get it all over the furniture. They trash
the living room and kitchen, then crash in a stoned stupor. The
Drug Czar's office couldn't have scripted a grosser caricature
of Reefer Goofiness. Marijuana turns grown men into Beavis and
Butthead!
In the third episode there's a scene set in a pot club. Nancy
shows up at Doug's office to make a delivery and he tells her
he doesn't need anything. He takes out his wallet and shows her
the reason why...
DOUG: It's my medical marijuana
card. I got a note from a clinic doc for a hundred bucks. Went
down to the pot store and mama, I was home! It's a weed wonderland,
Nancy. It's like Amsterdam, only better, because you don't have
to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be sad and stuff.
See this lollipop?
NANCY: It isn't...
DOUG: (Medium shot of Doug sucking) Yes! I'm getting high right
now. You can't even tell.
NANCY: How is it possible?
DOUG; The genius of Prop 215: medical marijuana for sick people.
And seriously, who couldn't use a little medication, right?
My friend's friend's friend gave me the address of the clinic,
I went down there, and loaded up. [From his desk he takes a baggie
full of big colas.] I love California! I can't wait to tell
the poker game about it. The one buzz kill is you can only buy
eight ounces a visit.
NANCY: That's half a pound!
DOUG: Well, they allow you to make two visits a day, but you
know with all the traffic on the 110 it's practically impossible.
NANCY: Are you fucking with me?
DOUG: Uh-uh. No no. It's all true. I don't kid about my weed.
NANCY: I need the address.
DOUG: Nancy, you're a pot dealer. Why would you take advantage
of a medical provider when you already have the connection? That's
just greedy.
NANCY: Douglas!
DOUG: Okay, fine. (jotting on a Post-it) As long as you're braving
the traffic, would you mind picking up a few more lollipops for
me? Wild cherry.
There's a serious gaffe in
the scene transcribed above. The Keavin Nealon character uses
the term "clinic" to refer to both the doctor's office
and the pot club at which he "loaded up." You'd think
somebody would have caught it. There's another, less explicit
error. Weeds is set in 2005 -Prop 215 and the existence of cannabis
clubs would not have been news to Nancy Botwin. She's supposedly
the hippest mom in Agrestic, the one who wants to see the PTA
oppose the sale of soft drinks. Nor would it have been news to
Doug, who's on the city council. Snappy exposition wins out over
accurate portrayal of social reality.
From Doug's office the scene shifts to the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers
Club. We see a security guard in BG as Nancy enters. [How she
got by the guard is unexplained. We don't see or hear of her
visiting a doctor, getting a card, etc.] She looks around in
awe to the sitar-infused reggae strains of "Ganja Babe,"
by Spearhead. From her POV we see cakes, cookies, tinctures,
buds in apothecary jars... She is greeted by the owner, Craig
X, who affects an early Elvis Costello look.
CRAIG (Bowing, hands clasped):
Welcome. I'm Craig X and you are at the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers
Club. How can we care for you?
NANCY: Hi, I'm kind of new at this.
CRAIG: A virgin? Don't worry, I'll be gentle on you. C'mnon this
way. The First thing you want to do when you come to the club
is check out the big board. On the big board here we have all
the prices and strains, and they do change daily. (To a seemingly
able-bodied young man entering the club) Hey Billy, how's the
anxiety?
BILLY: Awright.
CRAIG: Cool... What was I saying? I got spaced.
NANCY: The big board.
CRAIG: And on this big board we've got two specials today. You
want to check Out the granddaddy perp, it's actually purple.
And today we've got a Sativa blend - the flavor, bellisimo. Second
we've got the Here's Johnny, the king of late night. You don't
want to be messing with this before the sun goes down, it'll
knock you out. In the other room we've got the clones... (To
a seemingly able bodied even younger man carrying a skateboard
and wearing a t-shirt with a peace sign) Hey how's it going Robbie.
I see the arthritis is getting better, Huh?
ROBBIE: Yeah, you know it
CRAIG: Cool. (To Nancy) What was I saying?
NANCY: Clones.
CRAIG: Oh, yeah. You hear that dial tone? My clones are off the
hook. Check this out... We have the most beautiful clones. They're
ten dollars apiece and ours are guaranteed female. To get you
started. And over here we've got the food section. Hey, Mrs.
Rappaport, nice to see you, you look beautiful. We've got your
sponge cake in back. Okay, go ahead and get that.
MRS. R: Thank you.
CRAIG: She's got diabetes. We make it with Splenda instead of
sugar. Where was I?
NANCY: Edibles.
CRAIG:: Okay, look at all this great stuff we have: infusions,
goos, kief, kief oils, hash oils, hemp oils. You look a little
overwhelmed.
NANCY: Where does all this come from?
CRAIG: A combination of our patients and some very compassionate
farmers. Doing God's work.
NANCY: And it's all legal.
CRAIG: Well, we operate under the guidelines of Health &
Safety Code 11362.5...
(At this point DOUG enters, hugs CRAIG, hardly reacts to seeing
NANCY)
DOUG: I love it here so much!
CRAIG: (to Nancy): He's suffering from depression.
DOUG: Do you have any more Steven Hawking? I want to be wheeled
out of here.
CRAIG: Oh yeah, I'll hook you up...
Craig X was known as Craig
Rubin when he had a store that sold bongs in West Hollywood c.
1996. In addition to playing himself on Weeds, he was hired as
a consultant to the writers. He provides a commentary on the
DVD in which he identifies himself as having run the first-ever
cannabis club in Los Angeles. His cynicism pervades the episode
(it's called "Good Shit Lollipop"). Fortunately, Craig
X doesn't reappear as the series progresses and the BS Caregivers
Club set is not used again. Making the sugar-free cake for Mrs.
Rappaport was a realistic touch, and the two clerks in quasi-pharmaceutical
garb looked like clerks you'd see in certain dispensaries. The
clones were made from fake buds of the kind sold in High Times,
and looked fake.
"Weeds" took a turn for the better about halfway through
the season. Celia learns she has breast cancer, has a double
mastectomy, and becomes more serious and compassionate. So does
the writers' attitude towards her and some of the other characters.
In a scene possibly presaging her becoming a medical marijuana
user, Doug comes by to visit Celia's husband and chats with her
in the kitchen. He admires her wig. She looks down.
DOUG: What's wrong?
CELIA; Nauseous. Chemo.
DOUG: That sucks. Want some pot?
CELIA: That's illegal, Doug.
DOUG: Not really. You can get a medical card.
CELIA: Well, I have pills for it, thank you.
DOUG: Ooh. What'd they give you?
CELIA: Zofran.
DOUG: Can I try one?
CELIA: No, they're three hundred dollars a pill.
DOUG: I'll give you four hundred.
CELIA: They don't get you high. It's just for nausea.
DOUG: Wow. Three hundred dollars a pill and no fun?
As the first season ends, Nancy
has decided to organize a marijuana-growing business. Her friend
Conrad, nephew of a black woman who has been Nancy's supplier,
is a skilled grower and has developed a strain that will produce
fast and copiously. A rival with whom she fought over turf (and
had a fast fling with) will provide muscle. Doug will be the
accountant, Celia husband the lawyer. Their plan is to sell to
the burgeoning cannabis clubs of L.A.
Nancy's mourning is not prolonged. Several eligible gents presented
themselves. The one she's most attracted to is the father of
the kid Josh bit. (They all went out for pizza afterwards for
closure.) He's a single dad, intelligent, earnest, confident,
handsome, sensitive and openly smitten with her. Nancy doesn't
reciprocate until, in the final episode, she shows up at his
house and falls into his arms. In the middle of the night she
goes to the bathroom and sees his DEA windbreaker. End of first
season. The second season of Weeds starts next week. For all
its faults, it makes a man wish he could afford Showtime.
Fred Gardner is the editor of O'Shaughnessy's
Journal of the California Cannabis Research Medical Group. He
can be reached at: fred@plebesite.com
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